Wow.

Twelve months of 2017 have passed like a lightning.

So little had happened during year 2017, yet it gave me so much learning and emotions roller coaster.

Before we start to breathe in the fresh air of 2018, allow me to feel the remaining air of 2017 and share with you my reflection on 2017. This post will be quite personal, but it's okay to have this kind of post once a year :)

By the end of first quarter of the year 2017, I no longer tick the 'student' box for my occupation status whenever I fill in some identity form and also lost all the magical student privileges of my student card. I started to tick the 'employee' one instead and played a new role as a dutiful taxpayer. Everything seems exciting yet terrifying with the new responsibility that I have. I felt the excitement of earning things from my hard work, yet it was terrifying as I need to ensure I cope up with all the new expectations everyday.

There were times when I felt like 'Oh, I'm so loving this' and 'Wow these whole things are interesting', but sometimes I can be so down and think that 'Oh, it's not for me' and 'I don't think I belong here'. However, every time I started to fill my self with negativity and doubt, I kept on reminding my self that it was just the beginning and nothing comes easy at the beginning as everything requires time and effort. Journey of thousand miles must begin with a single step, right? I should not stop crawling my way, if I want to start walking and running to the top. With that in mind, I set my eyes on the prize and dedicate my effort to deliver my best.

Managed to tackle my insecurities, I created another unnecessary issue. With the new overwhelming routines that I have to do everyday during and after work, slow but sure I became one of the worst version of me. I became too self-reliant. I kind of shut off myself from the outer world and made myself feel like I'm on my own, fight my own way, bear all the pressures by myself. Without I realized, my so called independent attitude has made people who really care for me feeling uncomfortable, which is painful for me to see.

My surroundings and I need to experience a lot before I can take a deep breathe and finally realize: 'Hey, let's chill a lil bit. No need to over stress yourself. No need to compare yourself to the others. You are who you are. And you are not alone. No need to think about everything on your own. It's OK to ask for help, it's OK to be not so independent. Let's talk with others, let them know your issue, let them help you.'

With all the small things and big things happened to me over this year, I grew bit by bit and figured out myself better than before. Twenty seventeen had taught me about being persistent and resilient in pursuing my dream, along with the needs to balance life by allowing some imperfections and that it's OK to share my thought with others.

Twenty seventeen may not be the best year for me, but I've made it to the very last page of the chapter, and I am (perhaps) so ready to flip into the next page called 2018.

Hope 2018 is filled with bright days for each of you and for me. Hope every day in 2018 is our best day of the year.

Happy new year everyone!

“The object of a new year is not that we should have a new year.

It is that we should have a new soul.”

-G.K. Chesterton